Environment Shift

Its amazing how a change in an enviroment can affect how you handle yourself. I returned to the once hated now greatly missed DC for my homecoming and my my my how things have stayed the absolute same. The atmosphere is still the same, the habits are the same, a good bit of people and their mindsets are the same. Nothing has really changed in my eyes.

During the month of September, I was having a hard time adjusting to my routine life here in Houston because there wasnt enough avenues to be social like Howard offered me. So needless to say I was excited to party and drink and make bad decisions with the excuse that "Its Homecoming!". All that excitement crumbled the second day of my trip. Ive never been a fan of crowds and that feeling didnt change when I got on campus. Plus there was a couple of folks I was not trying to run into and surprisingly despite how packed a place can be, those same people somehow always end up in your face.

I thought I would want to go somewhere and shake what little I have in my jeans because I had "missed" it so much. The moment I stepped into a house party and was grabbed on by men that had absolutely nothing to offer me, it clicked that I had grown up and was over this stuff. I had matured and was comfortable in my few niches. I loved chilling with my folks when I was there just like I do at home. I like visiting random places and meeting new people from different backgrounds just like I do here. I KNOW what I like, what I enjoy. Why I thought I was missing out on something once I left DC is beyond me. But I wouldnt have known that unless I came back to DC.

But while I learned about how I evolved into Dinah 3.0 over the past couple of months, the saying old habits die hard also held true. Bad habits in particular. And yes I knew that they would be waiting for me as soon as I stepped off the plane. And yes I contemplated how I would handle myself in said situations. But jeez, it was so easy to do what I wanted and not think of the consequences until I returned home. THERE IS NO SEX WITHOUT STRINGS. And the strings dont even have to be feelings for that person. It could be feelings for someone else that make you second guess your rendezvous the night before with someone who was just available.

I didnt pray once when I was in DC. I thanked God when I got on and off a plane but in the midst of the excitement, weed haze, sex texts, and a hint of alcohol, God was in the back of my mind waiting to be hit up just cuz. The same habit I was trying so desperately to fight when I was in DC. But because I was caught up in my new environment, I forgot what I had established in my comfort zone at home. Now that I know Im not where I need or want to be with my constant communication with the Lord, I have to work double time just in case my environment should happen to suddenly shift on me.

All this jibjab in a nutshell: When you realize who you truly are, dont trade it in for a taste of yester-year. It tastes like crap.