I went out with a friend last night. I wouldnt quite call it a date seeing that he has a gf and we arent any where near the road of dating. But it did have one attribute of a date; He had his hand on my thigh and I was playing with his fingers. Normally I wouldnt be able to stand that kind of stuff from a regular date unless I initiate it. But me and him have plenty history to fill a Harry Potter type book, so he was allowed.
Before the movie I told him about the issues I was having with my best friend and how Im in the process of "looking" for a replacement. He laughed and said that he wanted to turn in his application. I laughed but on the inside I was thinking about that long history of turbulence that we had and automatically knew that in order for him to be my best friend, he was going to learn how to handle my "spicy" personality. His track record shows that when we have an issue, he disappears and my best friend has to know when to cuss me out and get me right. Plus we have sex and I know that will NEVER work.
Later that night he text me "Good Night best Friend!" and I told him that he didnt want to be my best friend for real because you cant sex up a best friend. It wouldnt last. I told him that he would either have to stay as just a really good friend or give up the sex. He wanted to give up the sex. Now Dinah is no fool. When a man that I have been sexing down for the past 3 years up and says he wants to give up sex to be my best friend I KNOW something is up. And there was.
The short of it. He currently has a gf but our 4 years of knowing each other and never dated has got him thinking that he might want to try. I know that being my best friend wont make it happen and him having a gf at the current is a setup for me because I would catch feelings for him quick. Long and short of it from my perspective? He figured keeping her as a gf and me as a best friend would be the most ideal situation for him. And if his current relationship ends he can crank up the romance and we'd end up together.
THANK THE LORD. That I know better. That is an ultimate recipe for disaster. Feelings would be hurt, I would surely curse someone out, and Id potentially lose out on my only booty body in Houston. (yes that plays a factor, just keeping it real) All this had me thinking. Is two really better than one? He would have his cake (gf) and punch (me) until one eventually falls through. And still he would end up with the someone. But as I think about failed relationships in the past excluding my own I know that doubling up on women is never a good thing. Men have a tendency to get comfortable and start "slipping on they pimping". Doubling up on men will NEVER work for a woman. No matter how displaced you think your feelings are, a woman will catch feelings especially if shes sexing him.
So even though I have always had feelings for him, Id rather stay single and happy then play the "he's with me tonight" game and get my feelings hurt. The battle of finding a man continues.....
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The Bluest Eye
I just finished reading "The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison and all the symbolism showed itself closer to the end. In the after word, Morrison describes how in the 50's-60's there was a lot of self-hate on part of African Americans because of the constant comparison to "true" beauty as defined by the white man. Its always easy to think that issues of racial self-recognition have improved but in some ways it has remained if not worsened during this day and age.
Back then, people yearned to be white for several reasons. Life was easier the lighter you got, "passing" was a goal of all those who could attain it, and previously stated, being white skinned with blue eyes was the definition of beauty. This day and age African-Americans are embracing the multi-toned complexion that God has blessed our race with. Light dates Dark to make Brown, Brown dates Light to make Caramel, and Dark and Brown make Mahogany. (well kind of, genetics is a helluva a thing..lol) During this present time, there are far more interracial couples who are producing children, adoption of black children by white parents, and remarriage of black people with the white race than before.
These children usually have identity issues trying to fit in with one race. There are certain children that stand out in my mind. Remember the twins whose parents were both bi-racial? One came out "white" and the other "black"? What kind of training are their parents setting up so that they wont have any self-identity issues? How will they defend themselves when they are disputed on being related and more so twins? What race will they choose to like, date, marry? Who will their parents choose to surround them with? And based off their past, who will they choose to surround themselves with in their adulthood?
Or one of my kids who has every feature that a poster child of an African American can have? You know the stereotypical big nose, big lips, nappy hair. (Because those are the worst features a human can have :/) Her step-mother is white and she had a convo with one of the counselors that went like this:
Child- You colored your person wrong.
Counselor: What do you mean?
Child- You person. Its too dark?
Counselor- Its not too dark. I want it to look like me.
Child- No you colored it wrong. She needs to be lighter. Thats the right way.
Counselor- No I colored her so she can look like me. You dont color your people to look like you?
Child- No, because Im going to be light with long flowy hair. Thats what Im gonna look like.
Although she is only 6, this girl is already on the road of ill-perception, supreme confusion, and denial. Unfortunately, I wasn't the counselor to have that conversation with her because the Howard in me and the love of my brown complexion would not allow me to not give her some schooling. I say all this to say that its important to spread your love of self and knowledge to those who are younger than you. We dont need any symbolic blue eyes when reality hits hard, and we dont need any yearning of things that black children will NEVER attain. Teach that black is beautiful and self appreciation is necessary. That doesnt ship your child off to the next Jack and Jill meeting, and sign them up for all HBCU's. But educate them so that they realize that denying who they are doesnt give them another reality.
Back then, people yearned to be white for several reasons. Life was easier the lighter you got, "passing" was a goal of all those who could attain it, and previously stated, being white skinned with blue eyes was the definition of beauty. This day and age African-Americans are embracing the multi-toned complexion that God has blessed our race with. Light dates Dark to make Brown, Brown dates Light to make Caramel, and Dark and Brown make Mahogany. (well kind of, genetics is a helluva a thing..lol) During this present time, there are far more interracial couples who are producing children, adoption of black children by white parents, and remarriage of black people with the white race than before.
These children usually have identity issues trying to fit in with one race. There are certain children that stand out in my mind. Remember the twins whose parents were both bi-racial? One came out "white" and the other "black"? What kind of training are their parents setting up so that they wont have any self-identity issues? How will they defend themselves when they are disputed on being related and more so twins? What race will they choose to like, date, marry? Who will their parents choose to surround them with? And based off their past, who will they choose to surround themselves with in their adulthood?
Or one of my kids who has every feature that a poster child of an African American can have? You know the stereotypical big nose, big lips, nappy hair. (Because those are the worst features a human can have :/) Her step-mother is white and she had a convo with one of the counselors that went like this:
Child- You colored your person wrong.
Counselor: What do you mean?
Child- You person. Its too dark?
Counselor- Its not too dark. I want it to look like me.
Child- No you colored it wrong. She needs to be lighter. Thats the right way.
Counselor- No I colored her so she can look like me. You dont color your people to look like you?
Child- No, because Im going to be light with long flowy hair. Thats what Im gonna look like.
Although she is only 6, this girl is already on the road of ill-perception, supreme confusion, and denial. Unfortunately, I wasn't the counselor to have that conversation with her because the Howard in me and the love of my brown complexion would not allow me to not give her some schooling. I say all this to say that its important to spread your love of self and knowledge to those who are younger than you. We dont need any symbolic blue eyes when reality hits hard, and we dont need any yearning of things that black children will NEVER attain. Teach that black is beautiful and self appreciation is necessary. That doesnt ship your child off to the next Jack and Jill meeting, and sign them up for all HBCU's. But educate them so that they realize that denying who they are doesnt give them another reality.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My Black Man
The first time I stepped onto Howard University's campus in 2004, I saw a place full of life and opportunities to create a new person. When I moved in on my 18th birthday I realized that I was the farthest thing from a Howard Student and had much to work on. During the first semester, I realized that some women in my class had the same mindsets. And others were in the pursuit of something.. a lil different. They were out there trying to get their Howard Husband.
Hindsight now that Ive graduated, some women have found their Howard husband. Most, (including myself) learned every lesson there was to learn from a Howard man so that they could go on to find a husband elsewhere. Let all Howard women admit it, you might not stand Howard men for the way the act but at the end of the day, you still got to love em.
I say all that to discuss the topic of black men. One of the first day of camp I met "Jimmy" who's adopted father is a white man. Ive NEVER liked the idea of a white man training up a black boy in a white world. We all know that a white man can NEVER teach a black boy how to operate, cope, lead, transform, simply live in a world where he is automatically at the bottom of the totem pole. I went on to think of how his father was going about how to make sure "Jimmy" recognized, respected, and loved his culture that didn't resemble the African American section in our "history" books.
Dont get me wrong, I respect his father attempt to take a child and give him a home. And yes I'd rather that child be put in a home rather than passed through the system from jacked up black family to the next. But either way, "Jimmy" will be at a disadvantage. A boy can only certain things from a man. But an African American male can only learn how to live in this world by another African American male. In my opinion anyway.
So far all the heartache, bullshit, confusion, retardation, etc. that you black men put me and my girls through, I thank you. It wasnt until Howard that I realized how rare a commodity you actually are and that you should be valued because of the trials you have to go through for simply being around. I know Ive called yall some damn fools, negroes to the 100th degree but honestly, Id rather you than the other white meat.
* Sidenote* Someone needs to call Microsoft because when I type in the word "negro" there shouldnt be a suggestion that it should be capitalized.
Hindsight now that Ive graduated, some women have found their Howard husband. Most, (including myself) learned every lesson there was to learn from a Howard man so that they could go on to find a husband elsewhere. Let all Howard women admit it, you might not stand Howard men for the way the act but at the end of the day, you still got to love em.
I say all that to discuss the topic of black men. One of the first day of camp I met "Jimmy" who's adopted father is a white man. Ive NEVER liked the idea of a white man training up a black boy in a white world. We all know that a white man can NEVER teach a black boy how to operate, cope, lead, transform, simply live in a world where he is automatically at the bottom of the totem pole. I went on to think of how his father was going about how to make sure "Jimmy" recognized, respected, and loved his culture that didn't resemble the African American section in our "history" books.
Dont get me wrong, I respect his father attempt to take a child and give him a home. And yes I'd rather that child be put in a home rather than passed through the system from jacked up black family to the next. But either way, "Jimmy" will be at a disadvantage. A boy can only certain things from a man. But an African American male can only learn how to live in this world by another African American male. In my opinion anyway.
So far all the heartache, bullshit, confusion, retardation, etc. that you black men put me and my girls through, I thank you. It wasnt until Howard that I realized how rare a commodity you actually are and that you should be valued because of the trials you have to go through for simply being around. I know Ive called yall some damn fools, negroes to the 100th degree but honestly, Id rather you than the other white meat.
* Sidenote* Someone needs to call Microsoft because when I type in the word "negro" there shouldnt be a suggestion that it should be capitalized.
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