I was talking to an old friend the other day and he told me that he could tell that things had change for me mental wise since we last spoke in May. He told me I had a better grasp on who I was, what I wanted, and what I would and wouldn't accept in my life. He told me that my thinking was way more rational yet I still kept my "keeping it real" mentality. Other folks have been saying the same thing. They see a change, and although I didnt change for others to take notice, I am glad that decisions are an improvement from my old self.
It feels so good to know who I am. It feels even better to appreciate the flaws and weaknesses that I have. I am no longer concerned with what random people think of me. I ONLY take my TRUE friends opinion of me and take into consideration what they say to improve my character. All other opinions on who I am as a person can go kick rocks.
I have never been a fan of drama and for a while I was basically drama free. I had my share of stories to tell but as far as full out drama, I decided that was for children in middle school. Unfortunately there are folks in college with a middle school mentality and decide that life is a bore without drama in it. So they fabricate stories in order to start mess. Now at first I was trying to figure out why anyone would really waste their time to go through all of this. But I have it figured out.
A person who does not know them self starts drama to draw attention to themselves. Usually this person has those set of friends (not too many, at most 3) that buy into the mess, probably with no real knowledge of who the other person is. The said confused individual uses their little gang to validate who they are as a person from comments like, "Yeah you right for telling that girl that." and "If I were you I would hit that bitch" etc. This person doesnt have true CONSISTENT friends. Emphasis on CONSISTENT because a confused person never keeps friends for long for two reasons:
1. The croonies end up turning on the confused individual because they too are looking for who they are and resort to drama.
2. The true friends they did have, realize that they have out grown this person and their mentality and have distanced themself for their own personal sanity.
Its always a sign on your personal character if you cant keep consistent TRUE friends.
Luckily my days of searching for who I am have ended and I am comfortable with what I have to offer to other people. No I dont expect everyone to like me because I dont like everyone either. No I dont expect to never have an argument or encounter some more drama as I get older. For some reason, certain black women like mess and they're bound to run into me sometimes... What I can expect, however is to continue to remain lady like and keep maintaining my value by not entertaining foolishness.
************SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT****************
So to you who are currently reading my blog for more fuel for your drama, keep it up. You will just be validating my point even more. And as Ive said before, I dont have a problem with you, even when you decide to tell people I went into your room and stole your panties to hang on a public sign. And when you continue to call me out of my name. I really do feel sorry for you and hope that you dont have to learn the hard way about who you are. Because one day youre going to start mess with the wrong person.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Personal Value
Its funny... Roughly 40 days before I leave DC and I met a man that I actually really like... Sorry God, but as of right now your timing sucks...
Its so weird too.. When I met him in Miami, I got a good vibe from him then and didnt pull the good ole Miami alias name of Destiny from Colorado... He was fun to be around and we swapped jokes and eventually numbers.... Ive been hanging out with him for the past two weeks and I REALLY enjoy his company...
Now I know everybody prolly like Dinah you say that about the other dudes you talked to earlier in this blog... But I promise its different... There was always little signs with the dudes before that proved to me that it wasnt going to work... And I usually saw them about 2 weeks into us talking... Either they talked too much, did too much, crowded my space, tried to hard... Small things like that, personally, just grow into bigger things that make me dislike a dude quick...
But this one has good conversation.. We talk about EVERYTHING.. And the good thing about our talks is that he doesnt talk about himself in a way to prove who he is or why he does the things he does... He just is.. He's random just like me but at the same time a homebody who doesnt mind sitting in the house and watching movies... He has an old spirit.. I always feel like he's lived a full life by the stories that he tells me and the way he explains things... What I love the most is that he's comfortable with himself and he's real.. All of the men that I've met for the exception of one always have this back up personality when they get in a certain environment.. He's been consistent since the day Ive met him and since he's comfortable with who he is, it makes me feel more at ease to be around him for long periods of time... His whole demeanor isnt overbearing in the least bit and from the time we've spent together I havent once wish he would leave my house or stop texting me.. I like him...
Its pretty much obvious that he's a gentleman, educated, goal-oriented, and striving for something better in life... In essence he offers all of the things that I would look for in a boyfriend... But a thought popped in my head earlier today...
Why didnt I think I deserved this earlier?
I have stories upon stories of how I had to deal with this niggas crap or ignore this fools retardation just to have male attention...I thought less of myself back then and so I took whatever I was given by men who werent worth two pennies rubbed together... Sex plays a big part in it as well... I was so dick driven back then it's sad... I figured that if I thought and acted like a nigga that I would always have the upper hand... Sorry to say, but the only people who have perfected being niggas are naturally born niggas... Every women has a little tinge of girlsih behavior that affects how they think at least... And the older a woman gets in addition to the crap the deal with from niggas, that emotional part of them that wants genuine attention from a MAN just increases.. Certain habits get old and unattractive for a woman and those who are trying to hold onto their "nigga" feel it the worst... Its almost as if they feel they have to put forth an effort in order to get what you deserve from the opposite sex....
I had to learn the long and hard way that I wouldnt be able to identify a real MAN if I didnt know what kind of woman I was... I had to be comfortable with who I was before I could be comfortable with a MAN and not even entertain a nigga... I had to realize my worth.. Cliche'? Maybe.. But its the truth...
If I know that I only have time to be me why would I waste my true self with a fool that wouldnt appreciate me? I wouldnt talk to a local off the street because of how he approaches me. But let a nigga come with a slick line or two and he gets the number... They both one in the same.. NIGGAS.. But we get caught up in the sweet smile, sexy face, etc and try to ignore the ugly asshole that the nigga actually is..
First take the time to know who you are as a person and value yourself and all that you have to offer.. The previous automatically leads to being more cautious in who you let in your life and spend your time... More valuable people in your life lead to more productive long lasting relationships, ESPECIALLY with the opposite sex..
I feel good because this MAN that Ive been spending time with is worth it.. He deserves me and I him... I feel honored that he choose to spend his time with me as well.. And even though I only have roughly 40 days left to be in his physical presence I know that he's worth it because he knows his value and he thinks of my value to a high enough degree that he knows what I deserve...
Its so weird too.. When I met him in Miami, I got a good vibe from him then and didnt pull the good ole Miami alias name of Destiny from Colorado... He was fun to be around and we swapped jokes and eventually numbers.... Ive been hanging out with him for the past two weeks and I REALLY enjoy his company...
Now I know everybody prolly like Dinah you say that about the other dudes you talked to earlier in this blog... But I promise its different... There was always little signs with the dudes before that proved to me that it wasnt going to work... And I usually saw them about 2 weeks into us talking... Either they talked too much, did too much, crowded my space, tried to hard... Small things like that, personally, just grow into bigger things that make me dislike a dude quick...
But this one has good conversation.. We talk about EVERYTHING.. And the good thing about our talks is that he doesnt talk about himself in a way to prove who he is or why he does the things he does... He just is.. He's random just like me but at the same time a homebody who doesnt mind sitting in the house and watching movies... He has an old spirit.. I always feel like he's lived a full life by the stories that he tells me and the way he explains things... What I love the most is that he's comfortable with himself and he's real.. All of the men that I've met for the exception of one always have this back up personality when they get in a certain environment.. He's been consistent since the day Ive met him and since he's comfortable with who he is, it makes me feel more at ease to be around him for long periods of time... His whole demeanor isnt overbearing in the least bit and from the time we've spent together I havent once wish he would leave my house or stop texting me.. I like him...
Its pretty much obvious that he's a gentleman, educated, goal-oriented, and striving for something better in life... In essence he offers all of the things that I would look for in a boyfriend... But a thought popped in my head earlier today...
Why didnt I think I deserved this earlier?
I have stories upon stories of how I had to deal with this niggas crap or ignore this fools retardation just to have male attention...I thought less of myself back then and so I took whatever I was given by men who werent worth two pennies rubbed together... Sex plays a big part in it as well... I was so dick driven back then it's sad... I figured that if I thought and acted like a nigga that I would always have the upper hand... Sorry to say, but the only people who have perfected being niggas are naturally born niggas... Every women has a little tinge of girlsih behavior that affects how they think at least... And the older a woman gets in addition to the crap the deal with from niggas, that emotional part of them that wants genuine attention from a MAN just increases.. Certain habits get old and unattractive for a woman and those who are trying to hold onto their "nigga" feel it the worst... Its almost as if they feel they have to put forth an effort in order to get what you deserve from the opposite sex....
I had to learn the long and hard way that I wouldnt be able to identify a real MAN if I didnt know what kind of woman I was... I had to be comfortable with who I was before I could be comfortable with a MAN and not even entertain a nigga... I had to realize my worth.. Cliche'? Maybe.. But its the truth...
If I know that I only have time to be me why would I waste my true self with a fool that wouldnt appreciate me? I wouldnt talk to a local off the street because of how he approaches me. But let a nigga come with a slick line or two and he gets the number... They both one in the same.. NIGGAS.. But we get caught up in the sweet smile, sexy face, etc and try to ignore the ugly asshole that the nigga actually is..
First take the time to know who you are as a person and value yourself and all that you have to offer.. The previous automatically leads to being more cautious in who you let in your life and spend your time... More valuable people in your life lead to more productive long lasting relationships, ESPECIALLY with the opposite sex..
I feel good because this MAN that Ive been spending time with is worth it.. He deserves me and I him... I feel honored that he choose to spend his time with me as well.. And even though I only have roughly 40 days left to be in his physical presence I know that he's worth it because he knows his value and he thinks of my value to a high enough degree that he knows what I deserve...
Friday, April 2, 2010
#DinahShrug
So seeing that people are really actually reading my blog I guess I should write more frequently. lol I will say this, when I write in MY blog, its usually because of something that is pressing on my heart, hilarious in my eyes, or something that needs to be written for future reference. This blog is 98% impulsive.. So once its written Im over it and I move on.. Those who want to dwell on it or use it as evidence against me can do so if you wish but you're prolly goin off on something that Ive moved on from. With that being said on to the next topic:
Shout OUT Time!! heyonick.com is a great website talking about different entertainment from the eyes of a great Howard man. One great quote that was on HEYONICK.COM (shameless plug..lol) was:
"We dont have to change friends if we understand that friends change"
I have been told that I have a pretty good judgement of character, I know who will be long life friends, who will be around for just a season, and who are barely friends.
The quote is true friends do change but it has more of an effect on the friendship when you see the extent that your friends have changed. Or you noticed that you have changed and that person is stuck in the past with old habits that you dont agree with anymore. People go through things that can change them for the better or the worse. And Im gonna be honest, if you changing for the worst or not changing at all for that matter, you not fitting into my upgraded lifestyle and you need to be removed. Sorry.
Now just because we going in two different directions doesnt mean that I dont like you or I dont respect you. It just means that I am going to do whats best for my mental state. Because if I try and fake the funk with you, the friendship WILL end badly. I can promise you that.
I was talking to my boo Ashley (life long friend) over Spring Break about our upcoming transitions. She's going to law school here at Howard and Im going to the number one public health institution in the country, University of Texas.. yes I had to.lol We talked about what weve learned, what bad habits we picked up and thankfully dropped and about some of the ones were still fighting. What we both learned is that we have to surround ourselves with people who are interested in upward mobility and have a mindset similar to ours. No ned to surround ourselves with people who dont do anything or are all talk. Cuz what good will you be for in the long run other than drama? I know when Im 30 years old and making a name for myself, I need people who are doing the same. And life is more interesting when you have those few good soldiers that you include in you war stories about how we got where we are. Everybody wants that movie lifestyle: successful friendships with successful people who I've known from college and/or high school. I want HEALTHY friendships. So if you already making me sick, why would I keep you around me?
#justsayin #kanyeshrug
Shout OUT Time!! heyonick.com is a great website talking about different entertainment from the eyes of a great Howard man. One great quote that was on HEYONICK.COM (shameless plug..lol) was:
"We dont have to change friends if we understand that friends change"
I have been told that I have a pretty good judgement of character, I know who will be long life friends, who will be around for just a season, and who are barely friends.
The quote is true friends do change but it has more of an effect on the friendship when you see the extent that your friends have changed. Or you noticed that you have changed and that person is stuck in the past with old habits that you dont agree with anymore. People go through things that can change them for the better or the worse. And Im gonna be honest, if you changing for the worst or not changing at all for that matter, you not fitting into my upgraded lifestyle and you need to be removed. Sorry.
Now just because we going in two different directions doesnt mean that I dont like you or I dont respect you. It just means that I am going to do whats best for my mental state. Because if I try and fake the funk with you, the friendship WILL end badly. I can promise you that.
I was talking to my boo Ashley (life long friend) over Spring Break about our upcoming transitions. She's going to law school here at Howard and Im going to the number one public health institution in the country, University of Texas.. yes I had to.lol We talked about what weve learned, what bad habits we picked up and thankfully dropped and about some of the ones were still fighting. What we both learned is that we have to surround ourselves with people who are interested in upward mobility and have a mindset similar to ours. No ned to surround ourselves with people who dont do anything or are all talk. Cuz what good will you be for in the long run other than drama? I know when Im 30 years old and making a name for myself, I need people who are doing the same. And life is more interesting when you have those few good soldiers that you include in you war stories about how we got where we are. Everybody wants that movie lifestyle: successful friendships with successful people who I've known from college and/or high school. I want HEALTHY friendships. So if you already making me sick, why would I keep you around me?
#justsayin #kanyeshrug
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
